The sunnatic(deed of prophet) way of discipline children.

Source : OnIslam.net
“Go away!”
“Stop it, you nuisance!”
Is it not considered ‘normal’ in most societal
circles today for adults to address minor children
in such a tone, and with derogatory words?
Parents, teachers, and other caregivers can lose
their patience with the naughty mischiefs of
children very quickly, especially if these children
are extremely intelligent, curious, energetic, bold,
self-confident and spirited.
Children are a big blessing of God. Having
children and raising them righteously lays the
foundation of a stable extended family structure.
Whilst most of us are well-aware of and
regularly exhort the great rights of parents in
Islam, we tend to overlook the fact that little
children are also born with certain Islamic rights
that we have to fulfill as an obligation. Even the
unseen, unheard fetus in the womb has rights,
which can delay the distribution of inheritance,
as well as affect the rulings regarding divorce in
Islam.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
handled many situations involving the antics and
natural tendencies of infants and minor children
with exemplary patience and good-naturedness.
As God has commanded us in the Quran to
emulate Prophet Muhammad as a ticket to
earning His ultimate pleasure with us in the
Hereafter, we should see how the Prophet
corrected or reprimanded small children
whenever they did something that could, in the
modern world, severely test the patience and
tolerance of most stressed-out, quick-to-snap
adults.
Tolerance for Infant Messes
Babies under the age of one are cuddly, chubby
and adorable; bundles of joy that everyone loves
to hold, kiss, hug, coo over and carry around.
That is, until they do something smelly and leaky
in their diaper.
As soon as that happens, the hitherto adoring
adult (especially a male one) who is holding
them, immediately scrunches up their nose in
disgust and hands them over to the mother or
nanny for cleanup.
However, this was not what the Prophet did in
such a situation. He would often take infants in
his lap, even though in that era there were no
leak-proof diapers!
Narrated Aisha:
“A boy was brought to the Prophet to do tahnik
for him, but the boy urinated on him, whereupon
the Prophet had water poured on the place of
urine.” (Al-Bukhari)
Prophet Muhammad refrained from expressing
disgust or immediately denying a newborn baby
his lap even when the baby urinated on his
clothes! This indicates his exemplarily high level
of tolerance for babies’ natural phases, as it is
normal for newborns to urinate often.
The lesson for us in this habit of Prophet
Muhammad is to not get irritated at the natural,
physical messes that babies tend to make (such
as nose emissions, excreta, or regurgitated milk),
even if the mess gets on our clothes. We should
also help clean up the mess without considering
it beneath our social dignity to do so.
Tolerating Natural Toddler Antics
Babies grow older to become active and
energetic toddlers (known nowadays as
‘preschoolers’), who love climbing on to the laps
and backs of adults and playing “rough house”.
It is well known that the Prophet not just
allowed children in this age-range inside
his masjid during obligatory congregational
prayers, but also patiently tolerated their antics
during prayers, even if these antics caused noise
or disturbance.
Reported by Abdullah ibn Shaddad from his
father:
“The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
came out to lead us in either maghrib or ‘ isha’
one night, and he was carrying Hassan or
Husain. The Messenger of Allah came forward
and put (the child) down, then he said takbir and
started to pray. During the prayer, he prostrated
and made his prostration long.
My father said: “I raised my head and I saw the
child on the back of the Messenger of Allah
whilst he was prostrating, so I returned to my
prostration.”
When the Messenger of Allah finished praying,
the people said:
“O Messenger of Allah, during your prayer you
prostrated for so long that we thought
something had happened or that you were
receiving Revelation.”
He said:
Nothing at all happened, but my son was riding
on my back and I did not want to disturb him
until he had had enough. (An-Nisa’i)
This hadith is another great example of how
tolerant the Prophet was regarding children’s
naughtiness. Imagine a small child in the age-
range 2-4 (who can be carried easily) climbing
on to the back of a masjid’s imam during
prostration nowadays. What do you think his
reaction would be?
Yet, Prophet Muhammad lengthened his
prostration just to let the child continue his
enjoyment and innocent play, hereby causing
some concern and undoubtedly a bit of chagrin
to the worshippers praying behind him in the
congregation.
Using His Hands Gently to Reprimand
Children love physical displays of affection, and
like being touched in a positive manner. Instead
of subjecting them to long monologues and
lectures to correct their mistakes, physically
removing them from harm is more effective.
Narrated Abu Hurairah:
“Dates used to be brought to Allah’s Messenger
immediately after being plucked. Different
persons would bring their dates till a big heap
collected (in front of the Prophet). Once Al-
Hassan and Al-Husain were playing with these
dates, one of them took a date and put it in his
mouth. Allah’s Messenger looked at him and
took it out from his mouth and said: “Don’t you
know that Muhammad’s offspring do not eat
what is given in charity?” (Al-Bukhari)
The Prophet taking the date out of his
grandson’s mouth himself whilst giving him a
short explanation of the reason, deployed the
most effective strategy of quickly resolving the
situation. Which small child would willingly spit a
tasty, sweet date out from their mouth
themselves?
Most parents today, however, keep shouting at a
small child to not touch an object or to stay
away from a dangerous area, all the while being
ignored by the child. They then snap and give
the child a harsh scolding in front of everyone
for not listening to them.
The lesson from this hadith about the correct
thing to do in such a situation is for an adult to
get up quickly and physically remove the small
child from harm, warning them about the reason
in brief words.
The hadith below also corroborates this strategy:
Anas said:
“Allah’s messenger was one of the best of men
in character. One day, he sent me to do
something, and I said: “I swear by Allah that I
will not go”. But in my heart I felt that I should
go to do what the Prophet of Allah had
commanded me. So I went out and came upon
some boys who were playing in the street. All of
a sudden Allah’s Messenger, who had come up
behind, caught me by the back of the neck, and
when I looked at him, he was laughing. He said:
“Go where I ordered you, little Anas”. I replied:
“Yes, I am going, messenger of Allah!” (Abu
Dawud)
Prophet Muhammad used a combination of
physical touch and gentle reprimanding words to
make little Anas realize his forgetfulness. The
Prophet knew that it is natural for a little boy to
get distracted from an errand by other children’s
street games.
This hadith also indicates that when a child
passes the toddler stage, it is permissible to
train them to do light, easy tasks for adults, but
to remember that it is normal for him or her to
resist immediate obedience and to get distracted
by other children’s play.
Explaining Concisely for Correction
When a child becomes older i.e. beyond the age
of 6-7, he or she reaches the age of mentally
understanding what is right and what is wrong.
When he encountered such a child doing
something the wrong way, the Prophet would
gently and concisely correct them and explain to
them how to do it right, without scolding harshly
or making them feel humiliated in front of
others.
Umar ibn Abu Salamah reported:
“I was a boy under the care of the Messenger of
Allah, and as my hand used to wander around in
the dish, he said to me once:
“Mention Allah’s Name (i.e., say Bismillah ), eat
with your right hand, and eat from what is in
front of you.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Little children have short attention spans, high
energy levels, and an extremely curious nature
due to which they want to explore everything in
the world, most of which is still very new to
them. However, we can misinterpret their natural
actions and reactions to situations in a negative
manner, unless we proactively practice patience
with their behavior without belittling, rebuking or
reprimanding them harshly and unjustly.
Because little children are a sacred trust from
God, we should remind ourselves not to be harsh
with them. God is not even writing their “sins”
yet, even if they deliberately break a precious
piece of crockery, or touch anything in our
cupboards or drawers that we have kept strictly
off limits.
As parents, if we lose patience with our children
and treat them wrong, we should immediately
and sincerely repent for it before Allah. Parents
who do not regret nor repent for the wrongs they
committed towards their children when the latter
were young, weak and dependent upon them, end
up being faced with resentful and aloof offspring
in their old age, because their little ones grew up
with disturbing childhood memories that
morphed into a deep grudge over the years.
By regularly reading and studying the Prophet’s
loving and mild behavior with children, we can
prevent ourselves from treating children in a
manner that could displease God and detriment
our relationship with them in the long term.