What does it take to stay Muslim, married and
extremely happy today? As oxymoronic as that just
sounded, believe it or not, it’s absolutely possible!
Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more
than having someone to call a husband or wife.
The marital relationship is an incredible blessing
and divine sign, as Allah says in the Qur’an:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from
yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in
them; and He placed between you affection and
mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who
give thought.” [ Qur’an: Chapter 30, Verse 21 ]3
The whole purpose of having a spouse is to find
tranquility in and with them; and our relationships
with our spouses have signs that
Allah is asking us to give thought to.
How are some Muslim couples finding this tranquility
in their marriage while many others seem to
be having a miserable time? What are those couples
whose eyes exude deep love and contentment
doing right in their relationships?
Here are the top 10 habits of Muslim couples
who’ve found tranquility and happiness in their
marriage:
1. They love each other for Allah’s
sake
What does it mean to love each other for Allah’s
sake?
It means you make the love and obedience
of Allah the basis and focus of your relationship
with someone else. It means you love someone so
much that you want your love for them to last
beyond this lifetime and into the Hereafter, where
you can live in eternal happiness with them
having earned Allah’s pleasure together. It means
you love someone purely because of how much
they remind you of Allah and help you get closer
to Him.
Hold it right there. I know what you just thought:
“but my wife/husband doesn’t remind me of Allah at
all.”
A lot of people who marry each other even for
primarily religious reasons end up disappointed
after marriage when they suddenly find their
spouse not praying all the sunnah prayers (like
they thought they would) or reading the Qur’an
everyday or the morning and evening adhkar or
fasting Mondays and Thursdays or being excited
about attending halaqahs or praying tahajjud or
doing something for the Ummah – like they
thought they would . Our own restrictions of
spirituality to acts of physical or outward worship
blind us from seeing how much our spouses
contribute to improving our character, which is an
unsurpassed form of spiritual growth, because the
Prophet says:
“Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier
than good character. Indeed the person with good
character will have attained the rank of the
person of fasting and prayer.” [ Tirmidhi]7
Your spouse has loved you for Allah’s sake every
time they have:
stopped you from harboring suspicions or ill-will
(about your boss or competitor or any other
annoying person in your life)
stopped you from backbiting (about your friends,
colleagues, in-laws (ahem))
helped you be more kind and gentle in your
speech and manners (to helpers, waiters, laborers,
siblings, elders and children)
helped you fulfill people’s trusts (by encouraging
you to get to work on time and do the best at
your job, to pay off your debts, to keep people’s
secrets)
helped you be more honest with yourself or to
others
helped you forgive someone and overlook their
faults
helped you become more generous or less
extravagant
helped you recognize and overcome the
weaknesses of your inner self
In all of the above and so many other times that
go unnoticed, committed Muslim spouses
consistently help each other get closer to Allah .
They stop each other from anything that may
lower them in the sight of Allah and constantly
help each other win Allah’s love.
Truly happy Muslim couples engage in winning
Allah’s pleasure together whenever and in any
way they can: they glorify Allah together in the
quiet hours of Fajr, they thank Allah in tahajjud
together, they make it a point to read a minimum
amount of Qur’an everyday, they do regular or
even random acts of kindness and charity and
they maintain loving and happy ties with each
other’s families.
To be continued.........
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